Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
