used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
