Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize