fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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