i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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