I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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