I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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