Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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