I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
