This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
zippers are such a cool invention
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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