So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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