What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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