What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So much Jack, so little girl.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
