the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
