I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
How's work?
Spinning.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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