was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
