Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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