I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
