What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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