Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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