I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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