god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
