were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
