dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
