I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
it's like heaven, but drunker
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
