ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
