maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
