The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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