Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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