i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
