She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
