Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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