Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
this hospital has no fireball
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
