We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
this hospital has no fireball
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
