he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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