About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize