I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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