Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How does one acquire holy water?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
