I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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