I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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