super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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