It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
