Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
