I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
