I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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