Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
