She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize