I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
