you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
