So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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