It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
