So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
