I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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