my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
this hospital has no fireball
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
