You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you mean i was at the winter classic?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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