You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
