he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
