I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Randomize
