you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
