And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
