holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
