My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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