I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
