You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You can't special order awesome
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
