so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
