every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
