she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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