well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
