i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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