Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
