Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
