***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
