He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
