I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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