I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
