I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
