Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
