You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The best revenge is premature balding
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
