pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
