She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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