Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
FUCK WHALES
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
