Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
