And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
