my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
