We won't sleep together?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
