Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
