Kiss
Puke
You just made me feel so damn special
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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